Bonfire

I'm going to be open and intimate with you all about a past "fuck". I call him that because now that I look back that's exactly what i was to him and him to me. I will forewarn you now.... NEVER ATTACH EMOTIONS TO SEX UNLESS IT'S A MUTUAL AGREEMENT!!! Now this went on for at least 4 years... I know shame on me DAMN!!! So back in the day before the kid I was in a "situation" (not relationship, which often gets confused). Met a guy that was easy and pleasing on the eyes. He was slick with his word game which intrigued me more. The brother had three jobs and his own place... OWWWWW right. Yeah only for a little while. He asked for a date which I agreed. I was picked up and greeted with a rose and the opening and closing of the car door (such a gentleman, momma did raise him right). So dinner then back to his place, tv and yes you know what happend next. Sex! It was great too. So I'm back home feeling great. A week goes by and then the text messages start coming in and going out.. Yep nothing but sex after that. Then everything came to a hault!!!! I was like What, Wait, Hold Up, What the fuck happened? i thought everything was cool!?! I was Wrong! Very Wrong! So a year or two passes and I see him again at a club, we exchanged numbers and yep it happened again. It went on for three months and then NOTHING!! He's a ghost. So a year and a half later I get a FB message (since we did exchange words there before) and of course the message started of with greetings and salutation (in the back of my mind I'm thinking I know exactly where this may/will end up, so let me say my peace NOW). I wanted answers to questions like "why do we talk and do what we do for a couple of months then stop?" and even down to "Am I just your piece of ass when you break up with your girl?" I wanted/needed clousure from this because I attached myself (emotions) to this man and expected things from him that I was NEVER going to get. Now of course I was nieve thinking that using my pussy would bring about a relationship. I was highly wrong and stupid... but hey we all need to grow up right? RIGHT!!! (Nod your head in agreement.. lol thanks) Long story( yes I'm a little longwinded, but you needed the details.. LOL) short I got the answers to some questions not all. But I can and did figure them out for myself. I didn't need to play myself like a yo-yo anymore.. Drop my life when he wanted some(pussy) and pick it back up when he was ghost. Even my girls told me to stop dealing with him.. but yeah didn't listen to them shit, What did they know?! Welp they knew he wasn't worth my time so I should've listened to them.. Damnit could've saved myself a hell of a lot of time! (Thank you MY and MK :)) Welp that is over and sone with no going back to that or starting another situation that will end up the same way. Not bashing him (trust me I wish him and his new girl the best of luck... I do mean that...somewhat), he needed closure as well and I hope he got it. Now to the reason I like to call this BONFIRE I titled this Bonfire because this is my chance to let the past "fuck(s)" BURN. Light a match and let all those emotions go... yes!!!!! I know I'm not the only one either... I KNOW I"M NOT THE ONLY ONE ... (yeah I screamed a little) that has went through something like this or is going through something like this. My advice to you is to release all those emotions that were attached to that "situation" write a letter, tell em' how you feel, throw it in the grill or fireplace and watch that shit burn!! Throw away the couch and the bed (wherever you may have done the "business" and move on with life)... Trust me I have and it feels UMMM HMMM GREAT!!! Welp that's all I wanted to say for today at least... I look forward to your comments or tweets (@mochakdb) Smooches my loves!!

Battered and Bruised in the name of LOVE

As I type this blog my blood is boiling, excuse me if I'm enraged and full of emotions and outraged with the decisions of the ones in this situation. "Love is Blind" by Eve is playing in the background....
You were friends before you were lovers, then you crossed the line into new territory. Like any relationshp it had it's ups and downs..... BUT.... it hit an all time low. Now you are battered physically and bruised emotionally with nowhere to go, noone to call on. AND THIS IS ALL INT THE NAME OF LOVE???!!!
Your family won't deal with you and your kids hardly see you, again I say THIS IS ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE???!!!
MY QUESTIONS ARE WHY and HOW did is get his far??
How do you allow someone to bring physical harm in your life and call it love? Now along with verbal.... I cannot seem to wrap my mind around it. I also don't understand why you wouldn't press charges against your abuser? To let him get away scott free not only puts you in danger but anyone that gets tangles in his deceptive ways with his charming smile and warming personality.
IS THIS REALLY LOVE??
This is my PLEA!!!!! GET OUT OF DODGE NOW before it's too late. I've lost tooo many over senseless acts IN THE NAME OF LOVE, I don't want to lose you!!!


Domestic Violence Hotline NC (919) 828-7740
Interact 1012 Oberlin Road.
Raleigh, NC 27605

The Independent and Dependent Woman

Independent to me- basically you take care of you and yours, dependent- you expect someone to take care of you and yours! With that being said is there a difference of the independent/dependent woman in race today? Has it always been like this..

I chatted a little on FB about this with friends but I would like your opinions as well.... I had a couple of white women tell me that I need to find a rich man to marry so I can sit at home and be taken care of... hmmm really... this had me thinking... Do white mothers teach their daughters this, is this the mindset of young white girls and how long has it been this way? Also do black mother's teach their daugthers to think like this? Is there a difference in teaching between race?... Now growing up my mother always told me if there's something you want go get it and do not wait for anybody to get it for you.

I have also heard this from my Hispanic females as well..go and find a Hispanic man to take care of you... I don't understand this and maybe it's because I do not follow this concept or have this mindset!! Someone talk to me.. Speak on it!

Intimacy and Sex

Can we be intimate without having sex? I've asked this question before but no response! SO can we be intimate and share with each other tender and passionate moments without removing an article of clothing? Or must we get into the bare to show we care for each other? Is this new generation of "adults" all about sex or is there a way to have long lasting relationships without them being based on the physical. Yes attraction to the opposite is a must(for me) but are you attracted to his "rap" or his goals? What drives that person to live and breathe for another day? What about your dreams and aspirations and seeing your determination to strive for what you believe in? Help me understand! Am I alone out here? TALK TO ME BABIES I'M ALL EARS!